I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
