he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
