im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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