Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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