he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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