I'm jealous of your bromance
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
