billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
