Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize