Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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