i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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