i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Randomize
