I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
