How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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