Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
