I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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