so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
