Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
