I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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