I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize