saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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