I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
