...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
