I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
