Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
