I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
