I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
