it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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