i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
