I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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