you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
