so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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