so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize