Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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