Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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