weddingsv make me drug and hornr
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
