just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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