She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
