Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
