I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
