Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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