If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
