nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
