When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
