Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
