i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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