awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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