I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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