I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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