i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
