the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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