the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
