Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
