can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
