Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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