your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
