I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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