i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
