Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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