Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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