so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
