I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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