Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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