Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
