I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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