I think i peed on brittanys purse
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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