At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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