DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
