whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
