So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
someone get that fucking seahorse.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
