I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize