This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
