Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dignity is for republicans.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
