this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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