That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
