So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
